Mature dating couple holding hands at sidewalk cafe table

Hitting the dating scene again – are you brave enough?

More and more people are looking to online dating in search of love.  Now love is a big word.  It’s a word that most of us use every day, sometimes without even thinking about it:

“Love you, see you later”
“Wow, I just love that”
“Don’t you just love it”

But what about the real McCoy?

It is possible to find love on the other side of the screen, but before we go searching for it, we need to think long and hard about how we each perceive love and if that person staring back at us feels the same way about love and commitment as we do, because despite love being one of the most studied behaviours, it is still the most misunderstood, and is more often than not influenced by our own personal conceptions of the meaning of love.

How do you know if you love someone, or if actually, you just really like that person? Well, apparently, there are a lot of scientifically proven signs that tell you you’re in love, with just a couple of them being that you can’t get this person out of your head and that you constantly daydream about them!

Is it important to you to be in a couple, is ‘coupledom’ the norm?

If we find ourselves single after a certain age, do we feel the need to conform to coupledom, and are we seeking companionship or more? Of course, there are those of us who lose our life-long partner and my heart goes out to the partners left behind who have to come to terms with losing the love of their life after many years together.  In this situation, I’m sure that many people could not even think about sharing their life with anyone else and it is very likely that they make a conscious decision to remain on their own for the rest of their life, but sometimes life can get lonely, and people may seek companionship online, which changes the dynamic somewhat, but companionship is still a form of love isn’t it?

And here’s the big question, if you suddenly found yourself single, when it comes to online dating, are ‘you’ brave enough to give it a go? If you are, a word of caution: ensure you’re aware of those red flags that just may pop up: talking only about themselves, avoiding difficult conversations, gossiping about their ex, withholding affection.

According to Google, it’s not just Millennials who use dating apps, roughly a third of Seniors who had dated during the previous five years had also succumbed to online dating.  A study from the University of Bath shows that the odds of finding love after 60 are 1 in 562 – but only if you leave meeting the love of your life to fate.

I’m a great believer in looking at both sides of the coin, and the fact is that there are many positives to online dating in later life.

We lose friends as we get older, when we recognise that some friendships just aren’t meant to be anymore.  Our true friends tend to be those who truly understand and support us.

You may have less time overall for friends because your priorities have changed.

Online dating enables us to grow our social network and meet like-minded people, which is good for our wellbeing.

Personally, I feel that each of us should be able to make our own decision when it comes to online dating.  I’m sure there are a lot of people out there who have tried it and encountered some bad experiences and of course it’s not for everyone. Although for your own safety you must approach dating apps with caution, there are many couples who have met online and are perfect for each other.

It’s a gamble, but isn’t it a gamble when you meet someone face to face for the first time?

It looks like online dating appears to be the practical way of meeting people for most and I guess that you need to ask yourself the question ‘what have I got to lose’?  As long as you’ve thought it through, decided what you really want in a relationship and of course, what ‘you’ have to offer whilst valuing your own authenticity, then why not?

My thoughts:

Don’t let those red flags pull you down, they pop up everywhere. Make up your own mind, its your life and at the end of the day, whether you’re Team Singleton or Team Coupledom, life is too short to not live the way ‘you’ want to live.

Author: Julie Cadman


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